From Duty to Delight

This weekend we attended a marriage retreat at the Mollyockett Motel in West Paris, Maine.

It was an incredible weekend in a variety of ways. We traveled over with some friends that we go to church with in a 15-passenger van, which led to all kinds of bonding time. A 2 ½ hour ride lends itself to plenty of conversation and hijinks. The weekend ended up being a great time for not only bonding with friends, but for bonding with my wife and learning how to get even more out of a great marriage.

Some people think your marriage is in trouble when you say you are going to a marriage retreat. This is not the case. My wife and I have a great relationship already, but that doesn't mean we can't learn new things that are going to push our marriage to a even better, newer level. Someone this weekend made this analogy about the retreat: If you want to keep your car running at its best, you don't neglect it. You keep the tank filled, the oil changed, and air in the tires. This can be applied to marriage. We were at the retreat for a tune-up, and we got it. There a many things about our marriage that we wouldn't change, because they work, but this gave us the opportunity to look at some areas we would like to improve in and the steps we want to take to achieve this.

The most eye-opening session this weekend was called "Realistic Expectations". The presentation was about how we come into our marriage with all these "unspoken" rules that we learned as a child in our homes that we not only brought into adulthood, but also into marriage. This hit home because I am the child of an alcoholic, therefore I could easily have plenty of baggage coming into marriage, and because of the situation I grew up in, I could easily display these traits knowingly or unknowingly, whether I am a drinker or not. Thank God, I know that I have some issues that I have worked through before I got married, but it still is a matter of daily prayer and vigilance to overcome these scars and traits.

After the expectations discussion, we were given a chance to go back to our rooms and talk with our spouses about whether we came into our marriage with these unwritten rules and whether we had some unrealistic expectations we had forced on our other half, and if we had, what could we do to make more realistic expectations. It was a great time of soul searching and prayer.

But not all was serious this weekend. We had plenty of free time to chat with other couples, see old friends, and make new ones. We had some free time on Saturday to see the sites.

Overall, a great weekend. My wife and I have come back from this retreat feeling like we had a great tune-up for our marriage and we can’t wait to see what God has in store for us.