Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The First Rant of the Year- Etiquette

We were on vacation last week, so my wife and I decided to go to a matinee and see King Kong (awesome movie by the way).

We settled into our seats, and low and behold, a family of six sits down behind us. The kids were all aged 6-12, so I figured there would certainly be talking, which would really kind of ruin the movie-going experience. My wife could see the impending preoccupation with the small children behind me so I wasn't surprised when she agreed to move.

Well, we landed a few rows up and no kids (Don't get me wrong, I really like kids). I thought this would be a great seat. We are sitting perfectly in the middle of the row, and between two speakers no less for optimum sound. I was so happy!!!!

Then out of nowhere, halfway through the movie, this teenage couple shows up and sits behind us. Not right behind us mind you, but probably 5 or 6 seats away from us on the end of the row. And they start to talk. Not a quiet whisper that is barely audible, but at a level you would speak at if you were trying to talk over background noise, which in this case turned out to be the movie.

I tried my best to ignore it. I even turned around and gave them a scowl or two, to no avail. All during this my wife realizes I am getting more and more irritated with the young couple who apparently have had no parental training up until this point on how to conduct themselves in a movie theater. The grip on my hand tightens more and more. She can tell by the glow from the screen I am bright red. I am about to blow a gasket and start yelling at the kids to shut up. Thankfully, they seemed to quiet down a little (they were still talking, but not as loudly), and we made it through the rest of the movie.

When the movie was over I immediately stood up and was about to confront the two movie-talking teens, but thankfully, my wife restrained me. No good thing can come from this proposed interaction. But, I envisioned the dialogue sort of going like this:

Me (to the teens): So, did you enjoy the movie?

Teens: Oh yeah, that was great. Awesome movie!!!

Me (turning umpteen shades of red): Oh, you think so. Well, I wouldn't know 'cause you talked through the entire movie!!!!!

The young man probably would have then copped some major attitude and then I would have had to grab him by the throat and then the whole scene would have been very ugly and probably wouldn't turn out that well for me.

So therefore, this will be the year of etiquette. The thank you notes are going out for the gifts we received. Parties will have invitations with RSVPs. The works. I might even write an etiquette book this year. There has to be someone who can rival Emily Post. However, mine would have a slightly different twist. It might go something like this:

Chapter 1- Movie Etiquette

Shut up and shut off your cell phone!!!

Chapter 2- Church Etiquette

Shut up and shut off your cell phone!!!

Chapter 3- Restaurant Etiquette

Shut up and shut off your cell phone!!!

Chapter 4- Library Etiquette

Shut up and shut off your cell phone!!!

I think you get the gist. I'm not sure it will make the New York Times' Bestseller List, but the message might get through to some.

There, I feel much better now. Probably the first of many rants to come.

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